What the Heart Wants
by CapMarquez2121
Summary: Miranda realize that Commander is in a emotional turmoil and sets out to help him out. By protecting him form Ashley Williams, from the Illusive man and from himself and on her mission to protect him she realize she has feeling for him but what feelings does she have from him. Sorry I am horrible at summaries Post- Horizon.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the Mass effect rights. I am just a fan who wants to write about them. **

**What the Heart Wants.**

Miranda Lawson had almost finished all her reports that she had to get done for the Illusive man for this week, there was one she had left to do, Commander Shepard's. She sat there staring at her computer. What was she supposed to say? The Commander had been acting out characters this past few days, he was drinking more, and staying in his quarters when he wasn't on the ground trying to get himself killed. He had become more reckless on the field, but this behavior had started after Horizon this behavior had name. That name was Ashley Williams; Miranda pulled up her files on her and just stared and wondered what made her so able to make the most charismatic caring and strong man that she knew so weak and vulnerable. Miranda, continued to think how to write her report she couldn't be vague not again the Illusive man had already told her last vague report on Shepard was unacceptable. As she continued to stare at her computer, she heard the door open, her heart stopped, as she wondered if it was Shepard, as much as she hate to admit it she missed his visit to her. "Miranda….he wants to talk to you….Garrus and I just got him into his room after another bar fight." Miranda looked up and saw Jacob standing against a wall his arms folded. " okay Jacob I go see what he wants" Miranda responded her tone of voice almost defeated. Jacob just stared at her for a moment and then he left. Miranda got up and headed to the Commanders room and as she was getting out of the elevator she could hear stuff getting thrown around. Miranda stopped at his door, wondering if she should tell EDI to open the door or just use her code to unlock the door or if she should come back later. Knowing that later he might be more intoxicated than he is now she put in her XO code and walked in. The room was dark and reeked of booze. She slowly walked in and called out his name "Shepard…Commander.." as her eyes found him siting against the wall his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his knees, he looked so broken so defeated. Miranda knew that this broken man would be unable to lead them successfully. She walked up to him…noticing all the bottles and broken glass everywhere and stood in front of him. "Commander you told Jacob you wanted to see me." Waiting for a reply she, continued to watch him she could see the pain in his eyes, growing in patient she spoke again " Okay Commander if you are just going to sit there and not tell me what you have to say to me I have work to get done and to tell you the truth your not making it easy… now if you excuse me I have to go figure out what I am going to tell the Illusive man.." Shepard finally spoke up " Miranda please don't go" his tone so weak so defeated. Miranda looked at him " Shepard you got to get past this.. past her." She responded as she left him determined to find Chief Williams and give her a piece of her mind for breaking the unbreakable. Miranda realized she felt a need to protect the Commander from Ashley from the Illusive Man, from himself. But why was it because they shared a bond of both of them always needing to do the right thing or because she brought him back or is it because even in his emotional terminal state he still found time to help him with her sister, or worse because she cared for him in way that she was sure no one else could.

**A/N**

**Please please drop me a review and let me know how I did. If I should leave this as a one-shot or expand this story more. Also help me out on becoming a better writer. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A few days later.**

Miranda sat at her desk as she heard her door open. She looked at the Commander who stood at the door way. His arms crossed across his chest as he learned against the wall. Miranda's eyes looking for his and finding his eyes still filled with pain. "What can I do for you commander?" she asked trying to keep her tone as professional as possible. Commander Shepard looked at her and responded "Miranda do you have a minute to talk" his words sounded a little slurred. Miranda stood up and led the Commander towards her couch. "of course… I'd been meaning to speak to you…to apologize ... actually… I never really believed you be up to the task, in fact based on what I have seen I wish Ceberus had recruited you earlier."

"I trust you Miranda but I don't trust Ceberus your experiments cross the line. You crossed the line with me bringing me back."

"That's true but I remember a specter that sometimes crossed the line while chasing Saren and we be lucky to have you many joins us simply out of xenophobia. We need more people for the right reason." Shepard responded a bit annoyed at the fact that Miranda was trying to push Ceberus values on him after being called a traitor. "I saw your experiments first hand with the rachni and thorian and even husk. Dam it Miranda! Even I am one of your experiments, a tool right that you can point and sentence to death." Miranda could hear the pain in the Commanders words as well as his anger that he had been brought back to life and she tried to justify what had happened. "The husks were already dead, the thorian creatures were mindless, and the rachni were released once we understood their intelligence." Taking a small breath before saying the next thing on her mind "we weren't breading an army but a defense system, how many soldiers' lives would have been saved if we had a hundred rachni soldiers on Eden Prime when the Geth attacked." Commander Shepard eyes widen with anger and affection as he recalled Eden Prime and all the good men and woman that were lost that day but also meeting Ashley Williams. "WHAT ABOUT JACK? WHAT WAS THE REASON BEHIND THAT?" Shepard asked._ Take a second to breathe Miranda; the Commander is upset because I mentioned Eden Prime. _"A mistake one that we tried to fix once we realized it."

"Miranda with your intelligence you could have landed a job anywhere why choose this?"

" Because I still envy the time that Mordin spent working with STG, Ceberus never tell me something is impossible they simple give me my resources and tell me to do it. And they have given you so much…A new life…A new ship…the Illusive man personal attention"

"The best thing Ceberus has given me is you."

Miranda looked at him very curious at what he had meant and decided not to read into it too much. " You would have done fine with me… I don't have that fire that you do that makes people follow you to hell its self. My father got me the best genes money could buy and I guess that wasn't enough" she finished saying as she got up and walked towards the window in her room.

"you always have to bring up your genetic upbringing" Commander Shepard said as he followed Miranda and stood behind her.

" I can't hide it this is who I am. The intelligence the looks the biotics he paid for all of that all your accomplishment have been due to your skill the only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."

"Are you jealous?" The commander asked with a raised eyebrow.

Miranda turned around to face him "don't be absurd commander'

"The genetic mutt the illusive man put in charge that must sting"

First it's not a competition second based on your track record your practically a perfect bloody human specimen"

"Perfect human specimen"

"Don't get cocky I put you back together and I do god dam good work"

"You sure do."

The next Miranda knew was his hand was on her lower back pulling her closer to him. Miranda could feel his lips on hers could taste the Ice Brandy he had just drank before this conversation. She knew she should pull away put instead she returned the kiss and soon both were fighting for dominance. Until both of them realized what was going on and they pulled away from each other. Before the Commander could speak Miranda wiped her lips and told him "what the hell was that. Okay this doesn't mean anything we just… god I need to think" and start to walk away from him. "Stop smiling dam it."

After walking out of her office she walked towards the post observation deck and looked out the window smiling. Thinking about the kiss she had shared with the Commander earlier, trying to convenience herself that it meant nothing the Commander wouldn't remember it. She couldn't allow herself the distraction their mission was way to important. Miranda quickly went back to her room as she remembered that the Illusive Man was supposed to call her at 15:00 hours and it was now 15:10. As she got into her room and was answering the call she was trying to come up with a good excuse of why she was late to this meeting.

The Illusive Man hologram appeared and he was taking a puff of his cigar. "Ah Miranda nice of you to finally be able to answer, I like to be the first to say congratulations on being able to somewhat seduce the Commander. I hope you know understand why I didn't want that control ship on him. I do hope your able to continue this relationship and control him through it.

Miranda faced showed a bit of dislike to the words that were just spoken to her instead she just agreed. " As long as its humanities best interest I do whatever it takes."

The rest of the hour long meeting went along pretty good. As the Illusive Man finished telling Miranda about the rest of the people they should recruit. Miranda hit the disconnect button and went to take a shower. _I shouldn't feel this dirty about what the Illusive Man wants it wouldn't be the first time I used my looks to get what I need. I mean I did recruit Jacob by sleeping with him. But this is Commander Shepard were talking about hasn't he had enough heartbreaks. _ As she got out of the shower and was putting on a clean cat suit she heard her computer beep, she walked over to see the message. The Commander had gotten a new a message from Ashley Williams.

_Subject: Hey there._

Shepard-  
I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you.  
I don't know what's true anymore. Part of me can't believe it's really you. I keep going back to that night before Ilos, our night... I haven't let myself think about those memories in over a year.  
I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck.  
Just stay alive out there... Skipper. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't lose you a second time.  
-Ash

Miranda finished reading it. Her body glowed blue what was this feeling was it jealousy. It couldn't be. Miranda sat down on her terminal as soon was able to locate where this email had come from. The Citadel which was where they were heading towards, just as she had finished tracing this email and calling in a contact to follow Chief Williams around to make sure she still be there when they got there so Miranda could finally talk to the woman who had the commander in such a down ward spiral.

EDI voice sent a cold shiver down Miranda back. "Operative Lawson I just wanted to inform you that the Commander has just tried to fight both Grunt and Jack and is currently in his quarters drinking."

Miranda signed as she stood up and made her way to the elevator. " Thank you EDI."

"Operative Lawson the Commander has request not to be disturbed."

" EDI as XO of this ship I can do as I please."

Miranda walked into the elevator and pressed the button to Shepard's quarters. Thinking about the conversation she had with the Illusive Man earlier, she would seduce the commander if she had to but not with the purpose of controlling him for the Illusive Man but to help him get over the Chief.

Miranda walked out of the elevator and put in her XO code into the door and walked into Shepard's quarters. She could see the bruise start to form from where he had spared with Grunt and Jack. She grab a towel and wet it a little and walked over to Shepard to wipe of some of the blood he had on his face.

Shepard could feel the towel on his face and he pushed Miranda's hand away and poured himself another a drink. " Get out… I don't need your pity Miranda."

Miranda glared at him and decided to use her biotics to push the bottle away from him as well as his drink and then she put both her hands on his cheeks. " Commander I am not here to pity you or yell at you for you reckless I just want you to be able to talk to me and let me help you."

Shepard without thinking things all the way gave into his desires and kissed Miranda. He tongue forced his way into her mouth his arms pulled her in closer. Miranda at first tried to resist him and push him away but after a minute she gave in. Each tongue fighting for dominance as Miranda sat on his lap. Her hands taking off his shirt, letting out a small moan as Shepard start to kiss her neck. Shepard's hand wondered all over Miranda's body as he continued to explore her body with his hands. Miranda hair smelled the same as Ashley he thought they might use the same shampoo. As this realization he whispered Ashley's name, making Miranda stop and freeze for a second. She got up and pulled away from him. "You really do love her don't you."

Shepard looked at her and realized the mistake he had made "I know I shouldn't but I do but I also care about you Miranda."

Miranda stared at him her look full of hurt from what he had just said and without thinking she spoke back " Ashley doesn't care about you, look at the damage she has done to you, you become reckless and a heavy drinker, and all she can do is send you a stupid email to apologies for the damage she has done."

Shepard's biotics flared " you read my emails… Lawson I thought we were past the mistrust we had of each other."

Miranda just stared at him for a moment and then walked away back to her room. _ It's not that I don't trust you Shepard it's the fact that I don't want to see you get hurt again not by her not by me and especially not by the illusive man. _

Commander Shepard just watched as Miranda walked out of his room and he felt like an ass for the second time that day.

**29 hours later.**

Miranda walked out of the Normandy that was currently docked at the Citadel and head towards Chief Williams apt. She wasn't sure what she would tell this woman who clearly in her mind did not deserve the Commander.


End file.
